I’m going to be completely honest with you guys. My words I’m about to type may make you want to un-follow me.
I feel like a girl trapped inside a boy’s body sometimes.
There are times where I wish I understood why I came to be the person I am and what characteristics I’ve taken from my parents and just essentially know what my core is made from. We all to some degree want to know all the answers, I’m just particularly curious. I look at my family who has raised me and they are mostly women. I love it, I cherish it and I’m extremely proud of it. Women have a strength to them: a certain physical and emotional drive that I just do not see in men. And as envious as I can be, sometimes I wish I had that. And even then, sometimes I believe I do have it. I have intuition, and vulnerability, and passion, and the way of motherly and unconditional love and of complete selflessness.
I used to resent feeling like a girl, but now I embody it. I have honed my femininity and I absolutely love the new feeling I’ve taken on. I’m just as much a man as any of you guys reading this, but I also feel like I have this other side to me…this second half that just makes me feel unique.
I want to be a housewife…and there is nothing I would love more right now, in my life at 20 years old, than to wear Alex’s ring and show my love for him to the world. I want to wear his ring, and take on his name, and have two marvelously beautiful children, and raise them with so much love and faith and belief and open-mindedness that the qualities are bursting from the seams of their hearts. I want to grow old, and wrinkly, and bitter (hopefully not bitter) and remember all of the memories I’ll make with this man. Is it truly wrong for me to feel this way?
My dream is to cut myself open, spread my ribs apart and let God’s rays of hope and understanding in.
